Genre(s): Action, Horror
Release Date (USA): June 22, 2012
"“History prefers legends to men. It prefers nobility to brutality, soaring speeches to quiet deeds. History remembers the battle, but forgets the blood. However history remembers me before I was a President, it shall only remember a fraction of the truth...” –Abraham Lincoln.
Most of us know of Abraham Lincoln –the 16th president of the United States, writer of the Emancipation Proclamation, preserver of the Union, ender of slavery. But what most of us don’t know is that Mr. President was also fighting another war—one against vampires. Little do any of us realize just how much of a role the undead played in the outcome of the American Civil War. It all started at the tender age of nine when Abe witnessed his mother’s murder at the hands of a vampire. Soon thereafter, revenge became his new mission. With the help of an undead ally, Henry, Honest Abe mounted his own campaign to exterminate the worst of the vampires and free America from their evil clutches.
After a very painful attempt to get through the audiobook, I decided to give Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (the movie) a chance. Have you seen the trailer? Doesn’t it look awesome?! Sadly, we’ve been misled. This movie isn’t awesome. It isn’t even awesomely bad. It’s just plain bad. Initially, I attributed my dislike of the novel to the fact that I’m not one for American or presidential history. I find the subject matter to be quite dull. It’s just not my bag, baby, and that’s okay. I guess I was disappointed because I thought there would be more vampy action in it. So naturally after seeing the trailer, I was led to believe they’d given the movie incarnation the Michael Bay treatment. Oh there was action alright, but not enough of the good kind to save it from being a total disaster.
I think the movies failure comes in that it’s just too much, too over the top. Had they attempted to do campy, I could’ve dealt with that, but they didn’t. They took it way too seriously and relied solely on cartoonish CGI effects to achieve the high intensity for which they were aiming. And I know I said I didn’t like the book, but the movie deviated so far away from the original source material that it was barely even recognizable. At least Benjamin Walker nailed it in the looks department though his performance was somewhat wooden and shaky at best. There were, however, a few very cool montage-worthy training scenes which kept me somewhat placated. And I also have to give a big nod to my favourite typecasted bad guy, Dominic Cooper. He’s just the bestest of the bad. All I can really say is this wasn’t the vampire flick I was waiting for, it was more like the one I didn’t need.
Summary PrognosisAbraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter somehow managed to be both of poor quality and ridiculously over-the-top at the same time. There is no shortage action but it’s a shoddy, unsatisfying type of action that left a very disagreeable taste in my mouth. I cannot in good conscience recommend the movie, however, if American/presidential history is your thing, give the book a whirl
Watch It: Amazon | Target
Discuss It: IMDB | Rotten Tomatoes
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