Mini Reviews: Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble by HP Mallory & Club Monstrosity by Jesse Petersen

Title: Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble
Author(s): H.P. Mallory
Genre(s): Chick-Lit, Paranormal Romance
Publisher/Date: Self-Published / February 20, 2012
Series: Jolie Wilkins (Book #1)

Life isn't bad for psychic Jolie Wilkins. True, she doesn't have a love life to speak of, but she has a cute house in the suburbs of Los Angeles, a cat and a quirky best friend. Enter Rand Balfour, a sinfully attractive warlock who insists she's a witch and who just might turn her life upside down. Rand hires her to help him solve a mystery regarding the death of his client who also happens to be a ghost. Jolie not only uncovers the cause of the ghost's demise but, in the process, she brings him back to life! Word of Jolie’s incredible ability to bring back the dead spreads like wildfire, putting her at the top of the underworld’s most wanted list. Consequently, she finds herself at the center of a custody battle between a villainous witch, a dangerous but oh-so-sexy vampire, and her warlock boss, Rand. (synopsis from Goodreads)

Summary Prognosis

Honestly, I don't even know where to start when it comes to this book. So much to say and none of it positive. What I thought might be an entertaining blend of Beautiful Creatures meets True Blood ended up being a train wreck of shallowness, misogyny and flimsy plots. Mallory is an ineffectual storyteller in that she doesn't show us anything, instead, we're smacked in the face with every little fact/detail, so frequently that it's somewhat insulting. She lacks the subtlety and consistency that is characteristic of more seasoned writers. And for the magic in the story to be believable there has to be a set of rules in that world and in this case, there are none. Everything happens too conveniently. There are no limitations and I just wasn't buying it. Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble doesn't deliver anything new in the genre. It's one of those books where you've seen it all before. 

My other big problem with this book was the characters. Every one of them is unlikeable because they're either stupid, vapid or utterly useless. Jolie, our MC, is the a-typical ordinary girl with extraordinary power who cares more about a man's looks than his actual personality. And the men, nearly every one of them is controlling, arrogant or evil. The best example of this is our main man, Rand, who stoops to using the temptation of sex in a vain attempt to control our MC. If I'm being frank, the only thing this book succeeded in doing was making me want to throw it at the wall. I bought this audiobook hoping for something craptastic --- light and fun --- instead, I got something that was TERRIBAD. So yeah. This series is not for me.

Rating: ★½  

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Title: Club Monstrosity
Author(s): Jesse Petersen
Genre(s): Paranormal, Urban Fantasy, Vampires
Publisher/Date: Pocket Star / April 29, 2013
Series: Monstrosity (Book #1)

Natalie’s one of Frankenstein’s creations and works in a New York City morgue. So of course she needs therapy. She and her friends—er, fellow monsters—have formed the world’s most exclusive, most dysfunctional support group. What could go wrong? Undetected in the modern world and under pressure to stay that way, Natalie Grey, Dracula, Bob the Blob, and others (including the fetching wolfman Alec) meet regularly to talk about the pressures of being infamous in the Big Apple. Topics include how long it’s been since their last sighting, how their “story” creates stereotypes they can’t fulfill, and—gasp—sometimes even their feelings. But when their pervy Invisible Man, Ellis, is killed in a manner reminiscent of the H.G. Wells novel, it’s clear someone’s discovered their existence and is down for some monster busting. Led by Natalie—and definitely not helped by Hyde’s bloodthirsty tendencies—the members of Monstofelldosis Anonymous band together for security and a little sleuthing. And maybe—maybe—if they don’t end up dead, they’ll end up friends somewhere along the way. (synopsis from Goodreads)

Summary Prognosis

I've been a long-time fan of Jesse Petersen's Living with the Dead series. Her books are some of my go-to reads --- witty, entertaining and snarky as hell --- so it was a no brainer for me to pick up Club Monstrosity. The concept of monsters in a self-help group is so great. C'mon, it's MONSTERS IN A SELF-HELP CLUB! We get to see how a Frankenstein's monster, the Blob, the Invisible Man, a mummy, Dracula, a werewolf, a swamp monster and Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde are all coping in modern day America, that is, until they start being offed in the same fashion as in their horror stories. Hell yes! Where do I sign up? This book was pretty much what I expected it would be --- quick, easy and fun. While it wasn't quite as gripping as Petersen's other series, I definitely enjoyed reading it. The only real quirk that got me were the random POV swaps between two of the main characters. They occur right in the middle of scenes so it makes it difficult to discern who's speaking. Other than that, I found it to be a quirky concept with some really cool characters. While I do prefer Petersen's other books, I will definitely continue reading this series too.

Rating: ★★★

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Book Review: Beautiful Bastard by Christina Lauren

 

Title: Beautiful Bastard
Author(s): Christina Lauren
Genre(s): Contemporary, Romance - Erotica
Publisher/Date: Gallery Books / February 12, 2013
Series: Beautiful Bastard (Book #1)

"Something in our relationship was shifting, and I wasn't sure how I felt about it No matter how many times we said it never happen again, it would. I was terrified that this man, who was all wrong for me, had more control over my body than I did, no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise. I didn't want to be the woman who sacrified her ambitions for a man.“ -Chloe Mills

Case Study

An ambitious intern.
A perfectionist executive.
And a whole lot of name calling.

Whip-smart, hardworking, and on her way to an MBA, Chloe Mills has only one problem: her boss, Bennett Ryan. He's exacting, blunt, inconsiderate—and completely irresistible. A Beautiful Bastard.

Bennett has returned to Chicago from France to take a vital role in his family's massive media business. He never expected that the assistant who'd been helping him from abroad was the gorgeous, innocently provocative—completely infuriating—creature he now has to see every day. Despite the rumors, he's never been one for a workplace hookup. But Chloe's so tempting he's willing to bend the rules—or outright smash them—if it means he can have her. All over the office.

As their appetites for one another increase to a breaking point, Bennett and Chloe must decide exactly what they're willing to lose in order to win each other. (synopsis from Goodreads)

The Game's Afoot

Let me just preface this review with the following statement: never did I ever imagine I'd read erotica, and not just any erotica, but erotic FAN-FICTION. I've never really understood the appeal. I had friends who read 50 Shades of Grey and barely made it out alive so my plan was to stay far, far away from the genre. But look at me now. I'm reading erotica and I LIKE it. Yep. Go me!

Beautiful Bastard was just the sort of mindless entertainment I was looking for. It's the story of willful, career-oriented Chloe Mills and the sadistically sexual relationship she has with her asshole boss, Bennett Ryan. Let me sum up the general gist of their relationship for you:

In other words, it's SO not healthy!

Yeah. Not good. And where I imagine in most other erotic fiction, this is considered sexy, to me, not so much. Then again, this isn't your typical erotica. The key difference is that Chloe Mills is a dominant, strong-willed and career oriented kind of woman. When she enters into this sick relationship with her boss, her legitimate concerns don't fly out the window, it's not all about the guy. She is her own person and she never loses sight of that. And where Bennett initially holds all the cards, the power shifts over the course of the book and ends up in Chloe's hands. I won't go as far as to say this is the deepest story I've ever read, but there is more substance than what I initially expected.

Beautiful Bastard's roots come from Twilight. That's right. It's Twilight fan-fiction. And where I can certainly see the parallels now, it doesn't smack you in the face as being a total ripoff either. Honestly, if you didn't tell me, I probably wouldn't have even known which is a good thing.

But what you're probably wondering about most is the sex, because it is erotic.

Between fitting room romps, panty-hoarding and blue balls, it's hot. Rather, it starts off hot but slowly transitions from just sex to love. Beautiful Bastard is smexy, deliciously trashy and a whole lotta fun. And after pulling a 60 hour work week, it was just the kind fluff I needed. I certainly enjoyed the story, which goes to show you, don't judge a book by its genre.

Summary Prognosis

Beautiful Bastard surprised me---partly because I never thought I'd enjoy erotica but mostly because the content actually wasn't bad. The writing was decent, the story was hella entertaining and the smexy parts were kinda hot. Kinda, It's one of those stories you pick up because you know you're not going to have to think, and despite all that, you still walk away feeling oddly satisfied (in more ways than one). WINK WINK.


Rating: ★★★½


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Book Review: Red Carpet Burns by Georgia Cassimatis

Title: Red Carpet Burns
Author(s): Georgia Cassimatis
Genre(s): Chick-Lit, Memoir, Travel
Publisher/Date: Harlequin Enterprises Australia / February 1, 2013
Series: Stand Alone

Disclosure: I received a review copy via the publisher on Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

 
Case Study

What if "The One"...Isn't?

After meeting the gorgeous and charismatic Simon, Georgia Cassimatis swaps her fabulous life in Sydney for Los Angeles, risking it all for a chance at love. Georgia soon finds out, however, that Simon is not the man he seemed to be, and she has left her entire world behind for a loveless marriage with a man who is intent on making her miserable.

 

LA is a tough town — especially for a girl with no friends, no money and no job — but Georgia finds her way through the liars, fakes and cheats to become a successful celebrity journalist and soon realises she’s fallen in love again — this time with her new home town…LA. 

The Game's Afoot

I have to say, Red Carpet Burns was somewhat deceptive. Going in, I was expecting this deliciously gossipy piece of fiction set to the background of the latest and greatest Hollywood drama; however, it is none of those things. Red Carpet Burns is more of a cautionary tale for persons looking to risk it all and make it big in Los Angeles. Georgia Cassimatis is not a fictional gal---she is both the author and main focus of this book. She tells the tale, her tale, of how she risked everything in the name of love, making the move from her native Sydney to the land of the movie star.

Both jobless and friendless when she gets there, Georgia is forced to rely on beau-turned-hubby, Simon. But we quickly learn that things seemingly too good to be true (namely, people), are just that. Simon is a nasty, selfish excuse for a man whose verbal and emotional abuse makes both Georgia and the reader cringe. How could Georgia could be so complacent and naive about him? Everyone saw right through him and they all warned her. I totally get that it can be hard to see a loved one's faults but, c'mon. I sometimes had to wonder whether her lack of sense was due to denial or if it was the work of embellishment. And believe me, I know that sounds harsh but I just don't get why women put up with that shit. Abuse is never cool in my book.

All the nastiness aside, we see Georgia try to climb the Hollywood ladder one rung and friend at a time. And this is where things start to get better for her (and the reader). Georgia speaks to you through the book as if you're her best friend, each chapter acting as a perfunctory snippet into her work woes, dating life and close friends. I guess the problem here is that she has a tendency to ramble, often getting off track from the chapters initial subject. It makes the book feel more like a free-writing journal than a coherent story. She delivers too many unnecessary explanations and makes too many unwarranted assumptions about what we know or should know and it could get annoying. I get the feeling that this is one of those books that's written more for the people who are a close part of her life than for those of us who aren't. Now don't get me wrong, there are certainly entertaining moments but I just thought they were too far and few between for my overall enjoyment.

I guess my biggest problem with Red Carpet Burns was that there wasn't an overarching theme tying all of her stories together. I mean, isn't that kind of the point? I feel like each individual snippet should leave you with some sort of overarching insight. The only thing I really got out of it was, that by the end, she both simultaneously loved and hated LA. I want something deeper from a memoir than that. The chapters didn't flow effortlessly into one another and the stories often felt forced. Plus, there is no discernible gossip to be found! By the end, Cassimatis teases us with barely-there insider info, but it's not enough to save the book from feeling the Hollywood burn.

Summary Prognosis

Red Carpet Burns is somewhat misleading in its name. While the book does take place in Hollywood and has it's fair share of drama, it's missing all of the juicy gossip expected to back up its name. Overall, I found it a pointless read, lacking in depth and that deeper insight that draws me in to memoirs as a genre. Yes, there are entertaining tidbits throughout, but there wasn't enough to keep me completely satisfied or sympathetic to the author and her story.


Rating: ★★


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