Excuse Me, But You're Being Very Rude!

Is it just me or are audiences getting ruder?

I was thinking about this the other day after I got home from the movies. As much as I wanted to enjoy myself, I couldn't help but be distracted by the people around me. At first I thought that rising ticket prices were keeping me away from the theatre but I've come to the conclusion that, more often than not, it's actually the people.

See, movie-going has always been a favourite pastime of mine. Where most kids in college were drinking and partying, I was spending my time at the local theatre. Going to the movies is sort of a sacred experience. It's one of the few places where I can go to decompress and lose myself in new world, even if only for a little while. It's cathartic, much like how reading can be, so it's quite upsetting when ill manners rob me of my enjoyment.

I don't know if I'm old fashioned or, perhaps, if it's the age we live in now, an age where desensitization and oversharing reign supreme, but am I the only one who thinks audiences have gotten too comfortable? They treat watching a movie as if they're doing so from privacy of their own home. They have no regard what-so-ever for the patrons around them and there's a total lack of awareness of personal space. It's beyond frustrating! 

So in an effort to make going to the movies a more enjoyable, I've decided to compose a list of the inappropriate behaviours that can often ruin it for everyone. I hearby dub these "Movie Theatre Problems."

Movie Theatre Problems (aka The Dont's)

 

Popcorn is noisy, I know, but there is absolutely no excuse for you to chew like a barn-yard animal. It's not cud. You are not a cow. You're a person. So please, for the love of god, don't shovel that popcorn/nachos/candy into your mouth like this is your final meal. Your obnoxious crunching wasn't intended as an addition to the movie's soundtrack and it's disgusting.

I don't understand why you pay all this money to sit down and chat/text/tweet when you have a perfectly good couch or local coffee shop in which to do this. This is a movie and you really should be watching it. The fact that you're more interested in your phone hurts my head more than a flying wrench does.

Movies can sometimes be shocking. Scary. Sad even! They're meant to evoke emotion, and if done well, that's exactly what they do. That being said, I understand that a gasp here and there is sometimes warranted. A scream on ocassion, okay even. I get it, I really do. But is the woeful blubbering or crazed maniacal laughter really necessary? Get it together, man! Or if you can't, then step out until you do.

Stop. Kicking. The. Back. Of. My. Chair. This also goes for slapping my arms and/or legs during one of those crazed, uncontrollable bouts of laughter. If I wanted a massage, I would've paid that shady guy in the mall the extra $15 to get one. In other words, NO TOUCHY!

Is your name Roger Ebert? Do you work for an established publication such as The New York Times writing movie reviews? Wait... you don't? Well then. If this is the case, your commentary is not only under-appreciated, it's unwelcomed. Save the criticism for when you blog about it later, mmmk.

Laughter during inappropriate times (i.e. - during scenes of graphic violence, misogeny and/or torture and abuse) is not socially acceptable and I worry about the state of your mental health. You really should see a therapist and/or doctor about this. It's not normal.

You brought a toddler/child/infant into a movie theatre. Into a PG-13/R rated movie nonetheless. WTF are you thinking?!  I understand your need for a night out but you seriously couldn't have hired a babysitter just this once? I know I'm not a parent or anything, but I'm pretty sure this is frowned upon in most social circles.

Don't touch me, my seat or my stuff. If I'm in your way, please ask me to move NICELY. I promise I'm not intentionally trying to be rude. Reaching for my bag or pushing my hand off the armrest IS NEVER OKAY!

Conversely, if I am the one politely asking if that seat is taken (and it legitimately isn't), quit your grumbling and just move your shit. Chances are, the theatre is packed and I'd like the opportunity to actually sit next to my friend/hubby/mum sans dagger-like stares and backhanded comments. Truthfully, I probably don't want to sit next to you either but I may not have a choice. So be an adult and deal with it like one.



Can't we all just get along?

So there you have it, fellow movie patrons, just a few little tips to make the movie-going experience a little more enjoyable for us all. We're all paying a lot of money to be there so noone wants to hear loud chewing, annoying commentary or to generally be assaulted by your rudeness. A public movie theatre is neither the time nor the place. Please don't ruin it for us. A little bit of courtesy goes a long way. Trust me.



Am I the only person who thinks people are getting ruder in public? What are some of your movie pet peeves? Tell me about your experiences and let's commiserate in the comments below!